I have tons of things to say on this blog...

...but after cooking and eating dinner, I need a nap and then I forget. So today, I'm going to do something different. I'm going to tell you what I'm gonna do.

Then I'm gonna do it.

I plan on getting back to this post and tell you how it went - and I might actually remember to do that if I leave the window open. :P

Ok, here's the deal. I went nuts buying chicken legs in bulk, planning on smoking them along with a 40 lb turkey. I was planning on jointing everything and essentially turning all the dark turkey into jerkey.

Well, flu happened and suddenly there was no time. I was missing a grille from my smoker, so there was no room for the chicken - which is very annoying, as that made the cheap smoked turkey not so cheap. Aside from that, some animal had peed on my backup bag of charcoal.

HowEVER, rather than go through that all again, I hauled out the crock-pot, jammed the dozen quarters in it and with all the imagination I had left between wheezes, poured tomato sauce over them. I jammed in some fresh Swiss Chard for flavor and let the whole thing burble away for 18 to 20 hours.

How does it taste? No idea. I'm just glad it's done. :P The "how does it taste part comes next."

What I'm planning to do is to take two quarters and shred them, chop the meat finely along with most of the swiss chard and whatever flavors I need to add. I will then pour this over whole-wheat pasta (of which I will make absurd quantities) and serve.

Details, as they say, to follow.

Update: I returned to the kitchen, only to remember the stark threats made against my person if I were to mess it up after She had cleaned it. Given the day I've had, I found that sauce making, as unambitious as that is, was still too much even had I the energy to clean up after myself.

Instead, I poured rice in the rice-cooker. I will serve a joint of chicken some swiss chard and rice to each us all, with enough pot liquor to moisten the rice; salt, pepper and hot sauce will be available to the ambitious.

And then, afterwards, I must somehow summon the energy to survey the leftovers and "suck it up."

But I will. And I will love me for it later.

Smutzproofing

I swear, from this point forward, to never ever CONSIDER buying a kitchen gadget that is harder to clean than it is to throw away.

Today, I had to (again) clean my thermostat/timer. I use this every day and of course I have to touch it every few minutes. It should not require special tools to clean it. I should not need to have to use a bamboo skewer to get to all the little cracks and crevices where germs might hide, much less go digging in purely non-functional plastic gullies.

Frankly, I want it to be a solid lump of dish-washer safe acrylic. I want to at least be able to drench it in a squirt of germkiller and wipe it down in less time than it takes to write this.

That was not the case.

Pomme Fritte Acadianne

The thing to do when you are reducing an insane quantity of food into a large number of meals is to make a variety of meals. With potatos, well, it's the shape that matters. You want to bag as many shapes that you can, either pre-cooked or raw.

A lot also depends on what sort of potatoes you scored. For the moment, let's assume them to be russets. And that is your basic french fry potato. You can, of course, buy frozen french fries in the store. One bag of frozen french fries can cost as much as the potatoes required to make five or more bags.

But to make good french fries without doing yourself an injury, you need proper tools - a french-fry cutter and either a deep-fryer or a lot of cookie sheets and rolled parchment paper.

Some folks like "natural cut" fries, others like them peeled. Either way, for some things you will need to peel your potatoes and cut out bad spots. So a paring knife and a good potato peeler are required, but I am into power tools. Check this baby out! A combination electric peeler and salad spinner. Not a single-tasker, so category="amazon.com">Alton Brown would approve.

But the cooking comes later. What you really want to do is get your potatoes chipped up and bagged as quickly as possible, to minimize browning. You can sprinkle them with a bit of lemon juice or distilled white vinegar as you go, if you need to.

For chips and ripple cuts, get out your cookie sheets and food processor or cookie sheets and mandoline slicer. With one person cutting and another bagging, you should have enough raw chips and ripples done in no time. These are ideal for casseroles as well as deep frying and you don't have to choose at this point.

Repeat for hash browns. And if you have a food processor, rather than a mandoline, include some of the potato peelings into the hash browns, for extra flavor.

If you want to make a few actual meals, this is the simplest recipe in my entire repertoire.

Simple Cheese and Potatoes.

This isn't an Au gratin potato - we aren't using milk; just the moisture in the potatoes themselves, mixing with the milk and oils in the cheese.

You need:

• 1 qt boilable sealing bag.
• Enough sliced potatoes to fill the bag to a depth of one joint of your forefinger when laid on it's side.
• One heaping handful of shredded Colby-Jack cheese, Mozzarella cheese, farmer's cheese or other melting cheese.
• Seasoning. For myself, tsp Kosher Salt, two or three grinds black pepper and a drop, perhaps two of habanero pepper sauce.
  
• Seal, carefully pressing the potatoes flat, leaving some room for expansion.
  
• Boil or microwave until potatoes feel done to the touch and the cheese has turned into a sauce. (when microwaving, you will need to poke a small vent hole.)
• When done, you can serve, or place it in a casserole for browning. But then, you'd have a casserole to wash, so make do with a sprinkle of paprika instead.
• When frozen, this makes an excellent, hearty side dish for camping.

Now for the title recipe:

Pomme Fritte Acadianne:

...ok, this really isn't a recipe. It's more of a food culture, widely mocked by those who have never had the courage to try it.

Make or buy a good brown gravy. (recall, we reserved stock in the previous post).

Make your French Fries, either deep fried, or seasoned and baked.

Put the steaming hot fries on a plate and pour a generous dipper of brown gravy over top.

Poutine - Food of the Ghods!

If you can find actual low-moisture cheese curd and dump it over the fries before pouring gravy, you have a dish called Poutine.

But if you just dump shredded mozzarella, you have this - and even tourists can tell the difference. Not that it's not good - but it's not real poutine!

Welcome to Canada, eh? And pour us a Hi-Test!